Tales of a Defunct Blog

 I have no way of verifying this but I hope that dusting off this blog will feel like walking into the 10 year high school reunion of the class one year ahead of yours. You absolutely don't belong there but you aren't a total stranger either. You know everyone but you were barely friends and that was exacerbated by the fact that they forgot all about you when they crossed that stage. Looking through old, unfinished drafts feels like sitting down at a table with older members of your track team and trying to reminisce about the good old days then remembering that your best and clearest memories of the sport happened months after they graduated. This is when the awkward laughter starts and you pull out your phone because suddenly twitter is interesting again. Maybe you get up and grab a cheese plate, who knows. Then someone you had college algebra with walks up to you and you guys chat for a little bit. They ask if you test-taking skills have improved and you rib back about their handwriting. You two wonder aloud about your teacher and where they retired to. Then, you exchange instagrams and spend the rest of the night sort of hovering around each other with that bubbling feeling in your stomach that, if you actually try, this may be a rekindled friendship. I imagine that at the end of the night you feel awkward and weirdly exposed, but glad you made the drive home a least. Definitely glad you got to see your friend and a few whatstheirnames that you always liked. 

While that definitely be nice, I have no way of guaranteeing that re-starting this blog will feel like that. Honestly, I have no way of I will even continue once this is published. In fact, have started and stopped writing new entries at least 4 times in as many years and each time the dream of keeping the blog runner felt more and more dead. Then the excuses pilled up and added more nails to the coffin. The "You're going through a rough time" or "You need to focus on getting healthy again" or "You are far too busy being in love to stop and write" ones immediately come to mind but through all that I always had the access and time necessary to keeping up and I neglected it. Neglected the few people kind enough to stop and click on a random blue link and give my work much appreciated views. For that I'm truly sorry. No only to y'all but to myself, for putting away something that's special to me and while I'd love to be able to say' "No longer will this go on", I know that it might. Therefore, I think the only thing I can do is promise to try. Promise to check in, share a link every once in a while, and even if it never goes up, I promise to keep writing.