An anime zaddy a day, keeps the thirst away

Do you ever find yourself desperately thirsting over that hot teacher you met at that overrated beer garden last Saturday? You ever zone out watching the same BTS Jimin fancam performance for the 36th time? Held eye contact with a human male for longer than three seconds? If the answer is yes to any of these questions then guess what... you might be a little thirsty and you need to get some help for that.

"But Whit, how in the hell do I stop being so thirsty? As every new moon passes during this dry spell my strength wanes and I feel my life force draining!"

Well,... first of all...yikes that sounds really painful and I'm sorry about your life force and everything but you really shouldn't worry about it too much.

"Why wouldn't I worry about something so pressing?! What about my loins!!!?"

Truly I don't know how to respond to that but if you're an avid anime or manga consumer then thankfully, there is a very effective and safe solution to your problem. One that actually works too.

"Alright then sis what is it? You're taking to long stop playing games!"

Fine, then. Literally all you have to do is WATCH MORE ANIME. Seriously. Watch more anime and instead of worrying about trivial nonsense like the plot, character development, or the theme of the anime, pay attention to the characters and the way they're animated. Specifically, pay attention to the ZADDIES. Now, before I continue, I understand the implications about what I'm saying. A lot of you might be asking yourself, "Why would I ignore all of the hard work that goes into anime for something as stupid as all of the fine men they stick in anime to get more eyes on the shows?" Well, you just answered your own question. These characters are designed specifically for additional views and I would argue that by ignoring anime zaddies in their entirety, you're belittling the hard work and talent it takes to make an animated man even a little attractive to an audience of non-animated people. Animators want you to pay attention to these characters because they a)know how thirsty we all are and b)want to help the only way they know how and trust me, they really have.

For example, a very attractive guy followed me on twitter, too fine if we're being honest, but I digress. He liked all of my shitpost tweets, posted all the right memes, he even made some memes of which I retweeted all of them. As the days past I found myself getting more and more interested in him. A stranger on twitter I'd never met. As someone who spent the early 2010's watching and loving every episode of Catfish, you understand why this concerned me. I began thinking "You should just DM him. See if he's into it. It won't hurt" and other completely unacceptable thoughts. I had actually begun typing a message along the lines of "I reallyyy like your tweetssss" in his DM, I was really planning on sacrificing my safety and exposing my own desperation and then I remembered, ANIME MEN EXIST. They will never embarrass you, they're all insanely fine, and they aren't random strangers online. It was during this realization that I immediately went and began curating my personal anime zaddy pinterest board, in the hopes of fully distracting myself. They include, but are not limited to:

1. Saitama: Exclusively serious Saitama. Still bald of course, but I like the serious animation. I am shameless.

2. Trafalgar D Water Law: gratuitously fine and the fine art WHEW the internet is FILTHY

3. Howl: because I'm trash obviously

4. Every character on Free!: In the hopes of learning how to swim

5. Kogami Shinya: I am drawn to dysfunction clearly

5. Spike Spiegel: [REDACTED]

After a few hundred pics saved I realized something: I had essentially come to my senses. I didn't need to DM a stranger and inevitably lose a follower because who wouldn't be creeped out by that. I didn't need to obsess over attractive men that had the decency not to yell at me on the street. The power of these zaddies had reminded me how safe stanning anime zaddies is and I believe that this realization is possible for everyone. Now this is not to say that, relationships, crushes, whatever on real people isn't okay. It's literally the most okay thing in the world but when your intuition is telling you that maybe this situation isn't the best for me and I need to drop this and move on, anime zaddies can be an important tool in doing so.The morale boost you need to quit whoever you're trying to quit. So do not succumb to unnecessary thirst. Succumb to animation. It might just be what you need.